Quotes from various family members (mine and Preston's) over the last few days.
1. "Your breasts are enormous." Why thank you. And now this is awkward.
2. A ticket purchased for "Mary Francis." SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. Preston and I have been dating for EIGHT YEARS. I = male. E = female. Get it together (this was obviously someone on Preston's side - there are enough women named Frances in my family that we've got it together).
3. Upon seeing me for the first time in over six months: "Hi! Are you chubby yet?" Um, hello? When was this ever an appropriate greeting? Especially for someone whom you know has dealt for years with eating disorders? I am allowed to call myself chubby. No one else is. Double standard or not, I'm sticking with it.
4. "Oh my gosh, I totally forgot you were pregnant until just now!" That's crazy! Me too! Oh, wait. Nope. The bacne, constipation, and unbuttoned jeans are my faithful reminders that yes, I am with child. I only wish I were, à la the original Mary, giving birth on Christmas instead of swelling up to the size of a hot air balloon over the next few months.
5. "Since you don't know the sex yet, I bought you this gender neutral onesie." Aww! That would have been so sweet if it were actually a gender neutral onesie. But really, you put an androgynous looking infant in a onesie that's blue and white and says "Baseball" on the front, and I'm pretty sure that BAM! you have a boy.
6. "But you would look so cute in your bikini, all preggers." Um, veto. Even though we're going to Bermuda with Preston's family tomorrow, I have absolutely zero plans to wear a bathing suit. First of all, I would never inflict this body on anyone (pasty white skin, porn star boobs, and oh! hello there, cellulite!), much less my in-laws. Second of all, Bermuda really isn't that warm. I'm thinking more along the lines of "cozy sweatshirt." Also, preggers, preggo, etc. I just don't like the terms. But obviously many, many people do, so that's beside the point.
7. "Wow. You are going to be huge." Thank you for the reminder! That's just what I needed! Kisses!
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Oh gosh. What a mess. Have a wonderful time in Bermuda!
ReplyDeleteThese people need a good smack upside the head. Or several.
ReplyDeleteHope you had a great Christmas and enjoy Bermuda!
You are too funny! By my 4th month I decided that pregnanacy just = diareah of the mouth for most people. Someone in my family told me I used to have a really nice figure. Isn't that lovely? ughh. Have fun in Bermuda!!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was our volunteer receptionist who told me, "You're never going to last that long--you're just HUGE! Are you sure your doctor wasn't wrong..."
ReplyDeleteF you, butthead. That's all I could think to say. Or my fav from my MiL, "You can tell he's a boy--Lyd made you get SO MUCH bigger width wise...he's all in front." Well gee, I'm so glad that I looked heinous with Lyd and better with Boy but SERIOUSLY, dudes?!
Don't get me started--don't EVEN get me started:)