That's Fourteen in Dog Years

Today Ness is two years old, meaning that theoretically she should be on the verge of exiting puppyhood -- theoretically being the operative word here. Ness herself, however, appears in no rush to leave puppyhood behind. Although she has stopped the daily peeing on the oriental rug and the chewing up of everything we own that characterized her first year, Ness is still at least 80% puppy: her energy is boundless and she's as goofy as ever. In short, she's still the Ness we know and love.

Sometimes I worry that I give Ness preference on the land of internet; I take more photos of her and generally talk about her more often, and she even got her own slideshow last fall. It's not as if I love Ness more than Callie - I am equally crazy-dog-lady about them both, I assure you. But the fact remains that on my Flickr stream, I have uploaded 473 pictures of Ness, and only 253 of Callie. Part of this is simply that Ness photographs better - Callie's black coat and brown eyes tend to muddle into the background of photos, whereas Ness' golden coat and hazel eyes pop against almost every background. But part of it is that Ness simply makes herself more available to us. We adopted Callie when she was almost four, when puppyhood was far behind her. Ness has brought out a playful side of Callie that remained latent during our first year alone with her, but on the whole, Callie is a bit of a cat-dog - she's pretty independent, and she's much more serious than Ness.

For example: when we go to the dog park every day, Callie's main concern is peeing everywhere that other dogs have peed. Ever. This means that for the forty-five minutes or so that we're there - in a big field where there are other dogs! And places to run! - Callie goes around the perimeter peeing every five feet until she's basically just squatting with nothing coming out - what Preston calls her "phantom pee" phenomenon. On the other hand, as soon as we let Ness off the leash in the dog park she is OFF, and essentially never stops moving. She even pees in motion (seriously - she's like a sprinkler. It's kind of gross.). She bounds all over the field, chasing the balls we throw for her and constantly stopping to say hello to every dog, man, and woman that comes into that park. In sum: Ness is on a mission to spread peace, love, and KISSES all over the world; Callie is on a mission to pee on every blade of grass in Pennsylvania. And that's just not as fun to photograph.

I often tell people that I'll never get a puppy again - that it simply isn't worth it all. And I kind of mean that. That first fall with Ness was truly sucktastic, and OH MY GOD if she had pooped in the hallway or chewed up a computer cord ONE MORE TIME I actually would have given her back to Santa. NOT KIDDING. No, I'm sort of kidding, but for real: she made me crazy that fall. At the same time, however, oh my goodness I love that dog, and I love that she's my baby. I love that I've known her from day one, and that I have seen her grow into the (slightly) more mature dog that she is today. I love that I have photos that prove that I could hold her in my arms when we got her, and that she used to be the size of Preston's shoe.

I love that, in the midst of the hormonal upheaval that this year has been, she has allowed me to indulge a progressively stronger maternal urge. I love that she lets me snuggle my face into the soft fur behind her ear, and that she lets me smother her forehead in kisses on an hourly basis. Whereas Callie goes to sleep on her dog bed every night, I love that Ness jumps up on the bed before resting her chin on my feet and going to sleep next to me. I love that Ness follows me into the kitchen every morning and wags her tail while she watches me get her breakfast. I love that when I take a shower, she waits for me outside the bathroom. I love that when I'm sad she'll let me sit beside her and cry while she nuzzles my neck with her wet nose and tries to lick my tears away.

I love that, on days like today, when I'm in the midst of my second miscarriage of the year, she makes me feel needed in such an immediate way, and makes me smile in the midst of my sadness. I love that she's always there, and that even when I feel alone, she's right by my side.

P.S. Yes, I am actually having a miscarriage. I hadn't planned on writing about it today - this really did start out as a birthday post to Ness - but it just came out, and there you have it. This was a planned pregnancy, and Preston and I are both devastated. More later.