At any rate, I found it slightly easier to adjust this semester (and by slightly easier, I mean I haven't been crying in the library bathroom stalls every morning--high five!). Classes started January 20, and finally, this past week, I've felt as if I'm finally getting my act together. I know now, more or less, how much work I need to do for each class, what days Penelope and I can go running, what nights I can take off, what nights are good (for both Pres and me) for Project: Let's Eat Dinner Together, what TV shows I have time to watch regularly, how much baby-sitting I can be doing (yes, I still baby-sit), and how many hours I need to be logging at the library. PHEW.
Academically, my goal is to be finished with the work for every class at least the day before it's due, both so that I'm not frantically translating at five in the morning, and so that I can sleep on the material. Such a schedule makes sense, when I think about it logically: I simply want to be able to synthesize the week's material in enough time before class so that I can contribute substantively in class. I'm not quite there yet, but I think that within two weeks, if I continue to work at a steady pace, and take long, deep, soothing breaths, I will be.
When I get down to it, though, I just haven't been myself. My depression tends to hit me in waves, and although I know the signs very well (thank you, thousands of dollars in therapy during college), I find that I always ignore them for at least a month, at which point I can begin to THINK about MAYBE pulling myself out of them. I should have anticipated this post-Christmas slump, as January and February, and, for that matter, March, are never good months for me (I know, right? I am SO UNIQUE. I get depressed in winter. Look at me.). This semester, however, January was particularly busy, which meant I really wasn't properly rested from LAST semester which basically means that the semester started and after my head stopped spinning, I was just like WAIT NO I AM IN NO WAY READY? And then I would come home and wail to Preston, WHY DOES TIME KEEP EVAPORATING IN THIS HORRIFYING WAY? (Definitely with the caps-lock key ON.) The result of this was a very sleep-deprived, cranky wife, a not very good friend, and a just-scraping-by student.
Suffice it to say that there was a lot of time spent scrolling through my iTunes library looking for Very Depressing Songs. Most often I landed on "Top of the World" by the Dixie Chicks. I would come across it, think, " 'Top of the World.' That's a downer. PERFECT," and would then proceed to listen to it sixteen times until Natalie Maines' twang became unbearingly twang-y. And then I would move on to "Fix You," by Coldplay, or "Both Sides Now," by the lovely Joni. Also on repeat. And also highly recommended I AM SAD LET'S ALL FEEL SORRY FOR ME songs.
This week, however, I've finally felt myself moving on a schedule that allows me to be a functional, present human being. Everything is, gradually, sliding into place. I'm more focused at the library, I'm more in control of the material, and I am, slowly, feeling like myself again. I'm listening to songs outside of the Very Depressing genre (Enrique, what would I do without you?). I've been prioritizing my runs with Penelope, phone calls with friends, and time with Preston. I've been coming to the library every day even if I really would rather watch TV on the internet while eating a third breakfast (which you KNOW sounds kind of sad and sketchy but also AWESOME). The apartment's still not clean, laundry awaits me tonight (because really, what more thrilling way is there spend Valentine's Day?), there are still millions of photos to upload to Flickr, and I'm not done with as much Greek as I'd like to be. I'm still not quite out of this slump. But I'm getting out of bed in the morning. I'm sleeping better. I'm feeling better. I'm smiling a lot more. I'm feeling more like myself.
The sunshine and lollipops can't be that far behind.
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