6:10 AM: My alarm is supposed to go off. Alas, setting the alarm to the "ON" position is crucial in ensuring that the alarm actually goes off, a key detail I had evidently forgotten about the night before.
7:10 AM: Penelope texts me, wondering if we were still on for a 7:00 run. My phone is still on silent from hibernating in the library the day before, so I don't hear it beep.
7:28 AM: I wake up, look outside and think, MAN it's really light for being before 6:10. I look at my clock and discover that yes, it IS really light for 6:10 in the morning, because it's actually 7:30, meaning that I've overslept by and hour and twenty minutes.
7:40 AM: I call Penelope, tell her that I suck at life, that I have to walk the dogs, but that I'll be over there at 8:30.
7:45 AM: I walk outside with the dogs and am filled with childlike wonder at the miracle of SNOW WONDERFUL SNOW! Ness leaps and bounds, plowing headfirst through the snow. I laugh adoringly, take far too many pictures of icicles, and am generally in love with the world.
8:19 AM: After finishing our walk and feeding the dogs, I call Penelope while I'm walking downstairs and tell her I'll be there in ten minutes max.
8:32 AM: I am still brushing snow and ice off of the car. I'm a lot less in love with the SNOW WONDERFUL SNOW than I was forty-five minutes ago. I call Penelope and lie, telling her that I am just pulling out of the parking lot and that's I'll be there in five minutes.
8:40 AM: I actually pull out of the parking lot.
8:41 AM: I start slipping on our very poorly paved road, but then remember that I can press the magic "Snow" Button and the car will stop being allergic to snow (Spoiler Alert: THIS IS WRONG).
8:42 AM: The magic snow button kind of works (and by kind of I mean not really at all) for about 30 seconds, and just as I am about to turn onto the perfectly clear main road, the car gets completely stuck in the snow. I can't move. I now officially hate the snow and make a mental note to tell God/Buddha that it should totally be May ALL YEAR ROUND.
8:44 AM: I call Preston, tell him I'm stuck, and ask if he can come help me, since I have -5 ideas about how to fix this problem.
8:45 AM: I call Penelope, apologize for being the worst running partner, um, ever, and she says just to call her when I'm out of the snow and on my way over. SURE THING! I say hopefully. I'll be out of this in a jiffy! (Spoiler Alert: THIS IS ALSO WRONG).
8:50 AM: Preston arrives at the car; I hop out and let him take the wheel. The car is completely stuck. The rear wheels slip and spin on packed snow. The car can't make it up the hill (and by hill I mean BARELY AN INCLINE).
8:55 AM: Preston gets out and says that we should try and see if we can dig around the tires to give it traction. We start to clear the snow away from around the car (and by we I mean Preston; I mostly stood there uselessly and said I'M SORRY I PROMISE I WILL NEVER DRIVE THE CAR AGAIN DON'T HATE ME I LOVE YOU I'M SORRY DON'T HATE ME PLEASE DON'T HATE ME, and he was like ok seriously WOMAN (Just kidding! He would never call me woman), just let me do my thing, stop having a heart attack, why don't you finish clearing the snow off of the car, etc.).
9:15 AM: Having cleared a hefty amount of snow away from the car, Preston's ready to try the car again. He reaches in his pockets for the car keys and discovers, to both of our horror, that they are not there. We look inside the car (which has locked automatically...), but don't see them inside, meaning that they must have fallen out of his pocket and into the snow outside the car. The snow outside the car that we have been making deeper and deeper as we've scooped snow away from the car for the last half an hour.
9:16 AM: I decide all of my kindly thoughts towards winter that I had earlier this morning are now officially flushed down the toilet and GONE FOREVER. I hate snow. It RUINS MY MORNING AND SWALLOWS MY KEYS. BOO HISS. If I had started breathing fire at this point it would have surprised no one.
9:19 AM: I call AAA and ask if I can please get my car towed. They tell me it will be an hour. We keep looking for the keys.
9:50 AM: Preston, magnificent Preston, is The Greatest Person In The Whole Wide World Even Better Than Tina Fey, and finds the car key buried deep in a snow drift outside the car. I've soaked through three pairs of gloves feeling around in the snow,and the car is still stuck, but at least we have the key. Preston goes back inside to get ready for work.
9:54 AM: The magnificent, marvelous AAA comes and readies the car for towing.
9:57 AM: The (very nice) AAA man tells me he hates his job. I say I'm sorry. I feel a wave of WASP-y guilt wash over me for not being at work at 10 AM on a weekday, for wearing my nice sunglasses, and for carrying my running shoes and my Vera Bradley purse.
10:15 AM: The car has been towed to the front of our building, and when I'm told to get my AAA card out for proof of ID, my fingers are so numb I can't even get the card out of my wallet. He pulls it out for me.
10:20 AM: I go back inside, still in my running leggings, snow boots, heavy jacket, and early morning bed-head hair.
10: 25 AM: I reach our apartment door, but Preston has already gone downstairs to work and has locked it. I fumble around in my purse for my keys. Ness is barking incessantly from inside. I yell at her to be quiet. She obeys for approximately .6 seconds.
10:26 AM: I find my keys, put them in the lock, but my hands are still so numb I can't turn them to unlock the door. My frozen hands flop around uselessly, and as Ness continues to bark loudly from inside the apartment, the frustration of the morning boils up from the pit of my stomach and rapidly reaches a fever pitch. Feeling useless, exhausted, and stupid, I start to cry. As I struggle with the lock and listen to Ness' frantic barks, my sobs grow louder and louder until I can hear them echoing through the hallway.
10:29 AM: Still sobbing, I half yell/cry at Ness to Please, please be quiet. I walk to the laundry room down the hall and run the hot water tap until I see steam. I place my hands under the scalding water, and as it washes over my wrists and fingers, I can gradually feel my hands again.
10:31 AM: I walk back to the apartment, and this time, successfully turn the key in the lock. I let Ness out of her crate and sit down on the bedroom floor, still crying.
10:32 AM: Callie and Ness lick the salty tears off of my face while I rub their bellies.
10:33 AM: Ness leaves me for a bone; Callie stays by my side and obligingly lets me sob into her neck while she gently nudges me with her front paw.
10:38 AM: I call Penelope and explain what's happened and that I am NEVER DRIVING IN THE SNOW AGAIN.
10:45 AM: While we're on the phone, I turn on my computer, and an email pops up: I've passed my Master's Latin Exam. All I have to do now is pass my classes this term, write my Thesis, and then, I'll have my MA. I dry my tears and blow my nose. Half of a grin spreads over my face, and I immediately email Preston and my mother. I can feel the stress of the morning gradually beginning to melt off my shoulders. Everything will be ok.
YAYYYY congratulations!!! Not that I EVER doubted it,but that must be a weight off your shoulders.
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