Note to Self

YOU ARE PALE. This means that when your shoulders/neck/arms/face/legs/pinky toes/ears/scalp see the sun for the first time after a winter of being bundled and covered and hidden away under layers of clothing, they will not turn a lovely shade of mocha, but rather, a brilliant shade of lobster red. In a couple of days (i.e. now) the brilliant red color will be accompanied by a searing pain that is made worse when it is covered with clothing, especially tight clothing, like bra straps. Alas, since you live neither in a nudist colony nor with bra-burners, going without clothing/bras is not an option. Additionally, you will start to itch, but since your arms, like the rest of your body, are short and stumpy, there is no physical way that you can itch that hard-to-reach area between your shoulder blades, meaning that you will constantly be twitching. This is not attractive or fun.

Lesson to be learned: WEAR SUNSCREEN. You will not tan. Give up the dream, MF. Come on now.