Unfun Day Indeed.

Yesterday morning I woke up around 3 AM and knew something was wrong. I was sweaty, my head was pounding, and my stomach felt as if it had tied itself into eighty five thousand little knots that were getting tighter by the minute. Finally, after about another hour and a half I RAN to the bathroom and promptly started dry heaving into the toilet. This continued for the next ten or so hours (every hour on the hour! FUN!).

Even after the heaving stopped, I stayed sick for the rest of the day, until I went to bed at nine like a real champ. My fever hadn't broken, my stomach still felt as if it had tied itself into knots (maybe not eighty five thousand of them, though), and my brain felt like it was on the verge of exploding out of my ears. I'm not sure what was wrong--food poisoning, a simple bug? All I know is that I felt like crap. And I haven't felt that sick in a LONG TIME. As I lay on the couch all day, moaning and groaning, feeling a little too sorry for myself and supremely annoyed that I was spending the whole day DOING NOTHING, it struck me that I completely take my health for granted.

Sure, I have allergies and colds and cramps, but overall, I'm a healthy girl. Yet, in spite of my good health, I have little to no respect for my body (probably closer to none). Sure I try to feed it well and exercise it regularly (though I do fail on both counts more often than I'd care to admit), but most of the time, I really hate my body, and I know I don't treat it with the respect it deserves. So, the sick part of me yesterday couldn't help but get all riled up and practically scream WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, MARY FRANCES?

As much as I had absolutely NO fun vomiting all day and lying on the sofa doing nothing and living on plain toast and flat Diet Coke, it was probably good for me. I realized yesterday that I really have entirely forgotten how to respect my body and my good health. I've forgotten how to enjoy and feel proud of my body; I've forgotten how I need to treat it if I want to have children in a few years and if I want to be around for my grandchildren in a lot of years. So I've come to the conclusion that I can't do this alone. I've wasted too much time already, and it's time for me to get help. I spent a lot of time in therapy during college, and I think/am sure I need that kind of help again. And I'm confessing this to the blog because I think that if I write it for the internet to see, I have a better chance of following through. Here we go.