Next Stop: Obedience School

So Ness is not the most well-behaved dog. I am fully aware, and more than a little embarrassed, about that fact. She's fine around Preston and me--relatively calm, wonderfully ebullient in her affection, and perfectly snuggable. When she sees anyone or anything new, however, she immediately and without fail becomes That Most Terrible Dog. She'll see a new person/dog/rock, and she'll pause momentarily while her brain switches from "well-behaved" to "terribly behaved," and then, as if the floor below her were a trampoline, she'll hurl her whole body into the air while she writhes under the constraints of That Most Terrible Leash, often whining or barking while doing so.

So today, I took Ness to the vet to leave her for three days while she loses her dignity. And although the prospect of three days with just one dog to walk is kind of magical, I was already feeling rather fragile when I got to the vet this morning, because as much as I complain about them (read: Ness), I am SUPER attached to my dogs, and the only thing that stops me from being a crazy dog lady is the fact that I'm already married, so HA! Dodged that bullet. Sort of. ANYWAYS. When we got to the vet, there was another dog waiting to go back for surgery as well, so naturally in the world of Ness that means TIME TO WRITHE.

I must have told her to sit thirty times in the space of two minutes, and I'd hazard a guess that I met with about 4% success. Finally she wore herself out and, still on her hind legs, spread her front legs and her chest in my lap while I kissed the velvety fur behind her ears and started getting really emotional about leaving my very hairy sixty pound baby. After a minute or so of calm, wonderful calm, the nurse came over to ask me some questions and put a collar and leash on Ness that she could probably destroy in eight seconds. Since this was someone new, however, calm Ness was immediately displaced by AWFUL NESS (pun intended), and she began to jump up, determined to ignore all of my pleas to SIT, FOR THE LOVE OF BUDDHA, SIT. Shockingly enough, she was also very unexcited about having someone put a new collar and a new leash on her, and as the nurse tried to wrap the collar around her neck, Ness continued to shake her head because WHAT IS THIS MADNESS.

Now, I realize that I look pretty ridiculous with Ness. I'm a relatively tiny girl, and she is most definitely NOT a tiny puppy. She weighs more than half what I do, and is very strong. I think, though, that when people see her--especially when she's juxtaposed with me--they forget that she is still a puppy. A bratty puppy, sure, but still, a puppy. Isn't a certain amount of misbehavior a given? So as I'm frantically trying to control Ness, much like trying to control five wiggling bowling balls, the nurse says, knowingly, "You haven't taken her to obedience training, have you?" She asked this quomment (i.e. question that's really a comment...I'm thinking of you, annoying boy in my Greek 101 class whose name I can't remember) in PRECISELY the kind of tone the dentist uses when he sighs and asks, "You haven't been flossing, have you?" And the answers to both those questions are the same: NO. (Well that's a lie. I do floss sometimes. After I eat popcorn or spinach. Or am bored.)

Whereas the dentist just makes me feel guilty for not flossing, however, the nurse's question today just made me defensive and really upset. Partially because when anyone says anything even slightly negative about my family (dogs included), my hackles immediately go up, and partially because, much like I know I should be flossing, in my gut, I know that we probably should have been taking Ness to obedience training all fall. But I don't have timmmmmmme, I whine to myself. Or moonnnnnnnneyyyy (spoiler alert: graduate student income = not so good for the savings account...I'm happy and comfortable, but that house constructed of gold bullion might have to wait a few (billion) years). Plus Ness isn't eating people, or anything, so she can't be THAT bad, right? Answer: wrong.

After the nurse took Ness back and I tried REALLY HARD not to cry, I gathered myself up, swallowed my pride, and when she came back to me, I explained the constraints of time and budget (just like everyone else, I know), and asked her if she could give me some suggestions for obedience classes. She very nicely said that she would be happy to get together a list and give it to me on Friday when I picked Ness up.

I'm still feeling pretty fragile about the whole morning, and am already missing my sixty pound yellow haired ball of CRAZY, but I think that obedience school probably needs to be a priority right now. Ness, I'm sure will be thrilled to hear this. Ovaries and uterus donated to science this week, obedience school the next. The fun just DOESN'T STOP.