Step One: Insert Foot In Mouth

So at Trader Joe's the employees wear very brightly colored shirts, making them really easy to spot. This is handy for someone like me, who, when confronted with a question in the grocery store , automatically asks for help. Preston will try to wrestle with the problem (If I were pork breakfast sausage, where would I be? Let's investigate every shelf of every aisle and if that doesn't lead to victory, then we'll just TRY HARDER. But we must persevere and NEVER ASK for help. WOW look what cliches we are!), whereas I scan the aisle were I am standing to find the closest employee and ask for their help in finding what I need (but probably not pork breakfast sausage, as I have now, with great success, been a pescetarian for the last, well, month...this sounded so much more exciting in my head). So tonight, I was looking for peanut butter. However, much to my horror, when I walked into Trader Joe's, I saw that they had CHANGED EVERYTHING. OK so not everything, but a lot...including the peanut butter, which was no longer where it used to live, next to the bread.

So I scanned the store for an employee with a trademark crazy shirt, and walked up to this guy wearing a bright red shirt with some crazy design on it. I guess it did strike me as weird that he was listening to his iPod while working, but, never one to hesitate when it comes to my peanut butter, I said, "Excuse me," very gently until he took his earphones out and looked at me quizzically. "I was wondering if you could tell me where the peanut butter was," I asked. Still nothing. Except that maybe he started to look a little more confused. Yet, being me, I just kept going. "I think they changed everything around...and it used to be over there by the bread, but I just don't see it..." Now thoroughly confused by my peanut butter requests and probably sort of scared that some rando came up to him and started asking him about where Trader Joe's had hidden their peanut butter, his look of total confusion made me realize, YOU DON'T WORK HERE. Thankfully a lovely REAL employee saw what had happened and took me to my peanut butter. However, Trader Joe's isn't that big, and I saw crazy shirt, yet not a Trader Joe's employee guy at least three more times. And I apologized to him each time. And by the last time I'm pretty sure he was avoiding eye contact. These are the moments that I really really really wish I could either 1) jam my foot into my mouth, 2) turn back time, or 3) never have to go to that Trader Joe's again. Alas, since I am neither 1) that flexible, 2) Hermione Granger, or 3) anorexic, I had to think of another solution.

So...wine it was. Happy Thursday.